7.3 Million

This week is National Infertility Week. Did you know that 7.3 million Americans suffer from this disease........surprised? I was until we became one of those statistics. I hope you know that infertility is not an easy thing to go through or to talk about. It's not fair.......it's embarrassing......and it down right stinks! But, I'm glad that I know God's heart......and that He is good. He was good 3 years ago when we were slapped with the devastating label of infertile. He is good today as my precious, miracle twins are snuggled up together sleeping. And, He will be good tomorrow when I am faced with that oh-so-perfectly timed reminder that we are still one of those 7.3 million. Because I know that He is good, I believe our trial has a purpose. I am only now beginning to see glimpses of this purpose, but I know that someday it will all be clear. One of those glimpses is found in this verse:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I want to share some things that God used to bring comfort to me and my hubby during our infertility journey. I hope you will be able to share these tips, resources and advice as you show compassion to a friend or family member who is still in the midst of their own struggle.

"A good person's mouth is a clear fountain of wisdom; a foul mouth is a stagnant swamp." Proverbs 10:31

Things NOT to say to someone suffering from infertility:

1. "You are just stressed. You need to go on a trip and stop trying".....and then add that it worked for your sister-in-law's cousin's friend. Stress does NOT cause infertility........EVER! Infertility causes stress!

2. "Just adopt"....and then add, "There are so many babies up for adoption that need good homes, and people who adopt always end up getting pregnant." Nope there aren't. Nope they don't. While adoption is a WONDERFUL way to become a parent, it is a God thing........something that must be bathed in much prayer (and only after couples are able to first cope with their infertility).......it is not an "easy fix." While there are lots of babies "who need good homes," that doesn't mean that they are "available for adoption." And, just because your roommate's old gym teacher adopted and then turned up pregnant, it is not the norm. Adoption does not cure blocked tubes, correct ovarian disease or give bad "swimmers'" lessons.

3. "Why don't you try.........." Don't give pointers about crazy positions, boxers, herbs/creams, relaxation techniques or old wives' tale remedies. Most couples have a REAL medical diagnosis and factual lab work from a reproductive specialist. Maybe you think the pillow propping worked for you, but I GUARANTEE that your infertile friend has already tried this and it didn't work!

4. "Well at least you have.........." The desire to have a baby with the man/woman you love is not overridden by the fact that you have a good job, a nice home, or a great spouse. This is not helpful. Remember, it is because they have a "great" spouse that they want to have a baby.

5. "You're lucky to have freedom.....my kids are driving me crazy!" Please realize that this person would gladly suffer any physical pain, grocery store toddler meltdowns and countless sleepless nights for just the chance to "enjoy" what you are complaining about. I remember being at Wal-Mart and hearing a lady scream at her little toddler, "You make me so mad...I could kill you!" I cried as I passed by the diaper isle and thought, "Lady, I'd give my right arm for a little girl like that.......temper-tantrum and all."

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. "Romans 12:15

Some Compassionate Tips:

1. While it is super-hard for a person suffering with infertility to hear that another friend is pregnant, it is even harder to be surprised with the news at a party or in public. It is not that your suffering friend it not happy for you; they are just sad about their situation. The most loving thing to do if you are pregnant or know that another acquittance is pregnant is to share the news with your infertile friend in private before an event where the new will be shared. It is a lot easier to deal with when you can get over it at home rather than being bombarded with the news at a social function where there is no closet to cry in.

2. If you are hosting a baby shower, send your infertile friend an invitation. But, attach a loving note explaining that you completely understand if they choose not attend. You may even want to add that you would be happy to pick up a gift for them or go in together on a present. (Shopping for baby things is really difficult when you have been told that you may never your own baby to buy things for.)

3. Be sensitive. Watch out for word vomit! You would never discuss the latest selection of VS bra's with a mastectomy patient or trendiest hair styles with a chemo patient. So, don't talk about baby stuff with an infertility patient. Only discuss your children if he/she brings them up, and try not to complain about them.

4. Don't complain or joke about your amazing fertility. Quotes like: "If my hubby just looks at me I get prego!" "All of our kids are accidents." "We can't even share a bar of soap!" "I can't wait to get him fixed!" "The doctor says, I'm fertile Myrtle!" "We just always pick a birthday"................are extremely insensitive and hurtful to a person desperately wanting a child.

"A friend loves at all times" Proverbs 17:17

Loving Do's:

1. Do send your friend a card......offering no advice. Just a card that makes the point that you care, God cares and promises that you are praying.

2. Invite your friend to dinner, a movie or to go shopping.......without bringing up any fertility issues.

3. Gracefully accept their regrets to parties, showers, holiday functions and gatherings that they feel may bring them pain.

4. Pray, pray, pray. Don't just say you'll pray........mean it and do it!

5. Send them the link to this post so they can check out the resources that helped me:

http://stepforums.bethany.org/ -------Bethany Christian Services offers a web forum where people can discuss their particular fertility issues with others facing similar situations. It can be done anonymously and offers lots of real advice from real people who are walking the same road.
The following are some great Christian songs that REALLY gave me comfort:

Hillsong “Made Me Glad”
Casting Crown “Praise You in This Storm”
Ginny Owens “If You Want Me To”
“He Knows My Name”
Paul Colman “One Thing”
“Carry You” Amy Grant
Kutless “Strong Tower”
“We Thought You’d Be Here” Wes King
Bebo Norman “Borrow Mine”

There are quite a few books out there that deal with infertility. Some are okay.....some are terrible.......this one is G-R-E-A-T:

This book offers awesome devotionals and prayers for couples in the midst of waiting. It is beautifully written with great honestly and compassion by Ginger Garrett, who also struggled with infertility. It REALLY helped me!This isn't an infertility book. It tells the story of Lazarus and helps explain how God uses sad circumstances for His glory! It is so uplifting and encourages you to trust God's heart even in the hard times! This is my favorite book in the entire world! It has nothing to do with babies. It is a fictional story that explains how much the Good Shepherd loves you........that he loves making the impossible possible........that you can trust Him in ALL things.......that He is always with you......and that he will turn fear and suffering into beauty and blessings! Jeremy read passages of this book to me over and over. He read it to me before my IVF procedure and during all of my episodes of pre-term labor. This is an amazing story......it will really bless you and you'll never be the same!

Never forget that God is ...........

JEHOVAH-ROPHE: "The Lord Who Heals"

JEHOVAH-JIREH: "The Lord will Provide."